serving suggestion

ok, it's about time I damn well did a blog filled with bile, vitriol and hatred

to begin, let's ponder something dear to my heart and several other vital organs.

We've all seen them, those handy hints on food products as to how one "might" just eat this processed particular culinary masterpiece, so here, for your amusement, a collection of suggested ways(in installments) to better increase our risk of industrialised gastronomic joy.

The rule for inclusion is: the product bears the legend "serving suggestion" and has imagery that doesn't quite make enough sense, it's not enough to simply have a stupid picture on the product, it has to have "serving suggestion" on aswell, thus making the stupid image a serious idea of how one may choose to enjoy the product.

And by choose I mean be forced to as the serving suggestion must be obeyed.

The point of this is not ridicule and abuse, it's love and respect.

Let's serve as suggested!

Let's mash it up!

For our first meal let's have a giant deposit of mash hewn in such a way that it was served by some kind of mash excreting behemoth.

Worthy of note is the curiously diminutive portion of cylindrical meat, no doubt from a curiosly diminutive cylindrical meat beast and for added extra flavour the greens splattered with a random spread of mutilated tomato all served on a base of red "fluid" really provide us with the one correct way to eat this magnificent feast.

Also worthy of note is tiny leaves that look like they were scattered by a subtle autumnal breeze.

And finally, the whole concoction is placed on our rustic kitchen table (it could also be a bare wooden floor, we might be really poor), the knife and fork waiting patiently at the right of the plate, we can only anticipate the feast we are to partake of in delight.

More of this nonsense soon :)